The Story of a Japanese Former Teacher Who Didn’t Know Himself—Until He Spent 1,800 Hours Creating a Website to Find Out

Chapter 0: “How well do you understand yourself?”

I used to be a high school English teacher.
For 13 years, I stood in the classroom and followed a stable path as a public servant.
But one day, something I said to a student unexpectedly struck me instead.

“Life lasts 100 years. If you don’t find a work style that suits you, you might suffer for 50 of those years.”

While saying that to my students, I realized something.

—That advice was exactly what I needed to hear myself.

Around that time, I was also overwhelmed by the rapid advancement of AI.

“Even if I continue teaching, a time will come when AI can teach faster and more accurately.”

Then, my wife’s illness gave me one final push.

And so, I decided to resign, ending my 13-year teaching career.

But because I quit on impulse, I didn’t immediately have a clear direction.
The first six months were full of anxiety and confusion.

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Chapter 1: I Repeated the First Year of High School

I dropped out of high school out of despair.

The school I entered was chaotic—students rode motorcycles and bicycles through the hallways.
Classes rarely took place properly, and even the teachers had given up.
Amid such an environment, every day felt like a void.

I hated school, studying, and myself.
Eventually, I quit, running away from it all.
I didn’t care what people thought. Nothing mattered.

As delinquents dropped out one by one, our class of 40 shrank to about 25.
I probably got lumped together with them when I left.

Months later, after various events, I took an exam to enter a different high school—and started the first year all over again.

I wasn’t ashamed, nor did I have any pride.
Just a simple thought: “I can’t keep going like this.”

Even after spending an extra year learning, I still hated studying.
The only university I got into had an academic deviation score in the 30s.
All that effort yielded no reward—only a deep sense of inferiority.

In college, I barely managed to graduate, with grades always on the edge.
I entered the working world still disliking and struggling with studying.

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Chapter 2: I Started Studying Again, Out of Spite

After graduating from university, I got a job at a private company.
It wasn’t a stable job, but I felt a small relief just having employment.

Reality, however, was harsh.
Within three or four months, every day felt like torture.
The work environment was brutal, the job didn’t suit me, and worst of all, the thought,

“Is this really my life?”
gnawed at me constantly.

Then one day, a colleague said this:

“If you hate your situation so much, why don’t you study?”

To him, it was probably just a brush-off.
Maybe he was frustrated with me for complaining without making any effort.
But that line hit me hard.

Frustration, anxiety, shame—all mixed together.
It was the moment I truly thought, “I have to change.”

So, I quit the company and began a year and a half of working part-time while studying.
Every day, I worked and studied.

For the first time, I learned for the sake of my own life.

Eventually, that effort bore fruit—I was accepted into graduate school.

It may have been the first time in my life that I truly advanced by my own will.
Even after retaking high school and entering university, I never had confidence in myself.
But this time, I felt like I had opened a door with my own hands.

Chapter 3 (Part 1): The English Hell of Graduate School and a Lifeline Called the Fulbright Scholarship

Graduate school was the first path I paved for myself.
After a year and a half as a part-timer, I had studied desperately to earn that admission.
Deep down, I believed, “Now I can finally become normal.”

But that illusion shattered quickly.

TOEIC, a test with a maximum score of 990, was the first exam I took—and I only scored in the 400s, far below the level expected of graduate students.

I couldn’t believe it.
Even undergrads around me were scoring much higher.
It was a harsh wake-up call that I wasn’t at a graduate-level.

That’s when something inside me flipped.

I cut out everything unnecessary and studied English to the limit every single day.
From morning to night, I clung to vocabulary and grammar books.

But I didn’t improve.
The undergrads around me seemed to study with joy and kept progressing.
I was desperate, yet only falling behind.
I could feel the anxiety eating away at me.

Even though no one ridiculed me, I found myself walking with my head down.
Passing undergrads on campus filled me with a crushing sense of inferiority.

Still, I never slacked on my studies.
The more my inferiority grew, the more I studied.

Eventually, after about a year and a half, I scored 800 on the TOEIC and earned the Eiken Grade Pre-1.

But—still—I couldn’t speak.
I had the scores, but my mouth wouldn’t move. My ears couldn’t keep up.

“With this level of English, I’m still not good enough.”

That’s why I had to experience life overseas.
Somehow, I had to study abroad.
I had no money—so I searched for scholarships.

When I googled “study abroad for free,” the first result was the “Fulbright Scholarship.”
I had never heard of it, but I applied as if grasping at straws.

Countless documents, interviews, and preparations—all in English.
It was like hell, but I got accepted. The path opened.

I was happy—but also trembling with fear.

“What if no one understands me?”
“What if I don’t make friends?”

Still, I crossed the ocean—to believe in my own potential.

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Chapter 3 (Part 2): Crushed by Pronunciation and Saved from Isolation by a Cheerful “Let’s Go Drink”

The moment I arrived in the U.S., I was crushed by my first spoken word.
My pronunciation was completely incomprehensible.

Whether in class or shopping, I was constantly asked,

“What?”

The experience of not being understood in English was more soul-crushing than I had imagined.

Eventually, I no longer wanted to talk to anyone.
I began shutting myself in.

“What am I even doing here, after coming all this way?”

I wanted to go out—but I was too afraid.

That’s when a cheerful Mexican guy saved me.

When I opened up to him, he said:

“Who cares if your English sucks? Let’s go get a drink!”

That one line changed my world.

He dragged me out to bars almost every night.
At first, I was hesitant, but gradually, through alcohol, laughter, and human warmth,
I began to think, “It’s okay if I’m not understood.”

One night, an older man sitting next to me at the bar said:

“Janglish (Japanese English) is the most indecipherable language in the world. Hahaha!”

The old me would’ve been crushed.
But that night, I laughed and replied:

“You might be right.”

That became the turning point—I started studying pronunciation again.
I shadowed native speakers every day.

Then something shocking happened.
I was suddenly summoned by the professor of one of my classes via email.

When I entered the office, he said:

“You barely understand the course content. You should drop this class.”

To be honest, I knew I couldn’t understand a thing.
I just said “OK” and left the room.

I tried attending different classes, but I couldn’t keep up with most.
Still, I clung to one sociology course and saw it through to the end, managing to earn a B grade.

My Fulbright plan allowed me to take two classes, but the only one I completed with my own strength was that sociology course.

And yet—I didn’t feel regret.

I had come to speak English a bit.
I had gained the courage to talk even if people laughed.
Most of all, I was finally able to connect with others using my own words.

By the way, my Fulbright scholarship covered almost everything.
Round-trip airfare, tuition, dorm fees, 20 meals per week, and a $550 monthly stipend.
I also earned $300/month by assisting in Japanese classes.

Despite going to bars and traveling, I still had around ¥350,000 (USD ~$3,000) left upon returning to Japan.

Talking about money matters.
Because through this experience, I truly realized:

“If you’re creative, you can make your dreams come true.”

Chapter 4: What 13 Years of Teaching Revealed About the Strange Link Between Academic Ability and Dreams

After graduating from graduate school, I returned to the classroom—this time as a teacher.

I worked as a high school English teacher for 13 years, transferring between various schools.
From schools with academic deviation scores below 40 to elite institutions scoring over 70—I taught across the entire spectrum.

At the high-achieving school with a score of 72, I was once approached by a student holding past University of Tokyo entrance exam questions.
I couldn’t answer them.
And then, without malice, almost like stating a fact, the student said:

“Sensei, you’re about the level of a local national university, right?”

It shocked me.
As expected from a student at a top-tier school—such an elegant way of roasting someone.
For the record, local national universities are considered high-level in general.
But maybe that student didn’t think so.
(At that school, unless you got into the University of Tokyo or a national med school, you were seen as a failure.)

On the other hand, the schools with scores around 40 brought a different kind of shock.
One day during class, I got into an argument with a student.
He leaned in so close, our noses almost touched, and said:

“I’ll kill you.”

I genuinely felt in danger.
But at the same time, a part of me calmly thought,

“Well… I guess this is its own kind of drama.”

Amid these extremes, I began to notice a strange reversal.

At the high-ranking schools, students strongly believed they “had” to go to university.
The idea of not going was never even considered.
Many students seemed to think their future dreams were determined by the university's rank.

In contrast, at schools with low university entrance rates, I heard students say:

“I want to be an idol.”
“I want to be a voice actor.”
“I want to be a comedian.”
“I want to be a singer.”
“I want to be a manga artist.”
“I want to run my own shop.”

These were dreams that came from deep inside themselves.

In high school, I had never wished for something with that kind of passion.
I just went to university because it seemed expected.
Got a job because I had to.
Lived life on autopilot.

That’s why I genuinely admired the students who spoke of their dreams.
Their attitude—of seriously thinking about “what do I want to become?”—moved me deeply.

It was around this time that a quiet realization began to form in my heart.

“Maybe… I want to teach people how to find their dreams.”

But for someone like me—who hadn’t found a dream yet—it still felt like an impossible realm.

Chapter 5: The Three Reasons I Decided to Quit Teaching

I had been teaching English at high schools for 13 years.
During that time, I met many students and taught countless classes.
There were rewarding moments, and there was even a time when I thought,

“Maybe I’ll keep doing this until retirement.”

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Reason 1: The Words I Told My Students Cornered Me

I used to tell my students:

• If you’re unsure about your future, explore different paths
• You don’t have to go to college
• Find a work style and environment that suits you

But what about me?

Year after year, it was the same curriculum, same test formats, same grade processing...
I kept doing it diligently, but when asked, “Is this work really suited to you?”—I couldn’t answer.

The contradiction between my words and actions…
It slowly began to eat away at me from the inside.

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Reason 2: The Age of AI Challenging the Value of Teachers

Then ChatGPT came along—and the world changed overnight.

An AI that answers English questions perfectly.
No complaints, no fatigue, and you can ask it a hundred times.

“Honestly, most of what I’m teaching could probably be done by AI.”

That thought wouldn’t leave me.

Sure, there are things only humans can do.
But I wasn’t confident I could keep delivering those “uniquely human” values in the years ahead.

Most of all—I realized I wanted to be on the side that creates with AI.
I didn’t want to be the one replaced—I wanted to be the one using it.
I wanted to dive into this wave of change, head-on.

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Reason 3: My Wife’s Illness Taught Me “Don’t Wait”

Around this time, my wife was diagnosed with a serious illness.

I had always dreamed of traveling the world with her after retirement.
But suddenly, that “someday” became “maybe we won’t make it.”

“Life won’t wait for you.”

If that’s the case, then instead of hoarding stability until retirement—
Shouldn’t I be making bold choices now, while I still can?

So I made my decision.

People around me said, “You’re crazy to quit a government job.”
But that’s because they didn’t know my life.

This was my decision—for my future.

I was ready to move on to the next stage.

Chapter 6: I Built an App with AI. What I Found at the End of 1,800 Hours

After quitting my teaching job, I didn’t suddenly become goal-driven.
If anything, the following six months were filled with confusion and wandering.

I tried getting a drone license,
attended entrepreneurship workshops,
read business books, philosophy books, educational theory, and AI-related literature—
I just kept moving, reading, doing something.

“I need to find something.”
“I have to take action.”

That anxiety kept swelling in my head.

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I Even Failed at Stocks

Around that time, I also dabbled in stock trading.

I studied and began investing small amounts.
After about a year, I had made over 1 million yen in profit.
I thought, “Maybe I have a talent for finance.”

But then came the summer of 2024—
The market crashed.

In the blink of an eye, I lost over 2 million yen.

No matter how many books I read, how much I diversified risk, or tried to suppress emotions,
the market waves swept it all away effortlessly.

That was the moment I quit studying stocks completely.

“If your goal becomes just to make money, your heart will break.”

I truly felt that.
Rather than “investing” as a way of life,
I wanted to create a way of living itself.

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So I Decided to Bet on AI and App Development

Wandering. Losing. Constant anxiety.
But amidst all that, a new feeling began to stir inside me.

“AI is going to change the world.”
“If I’m going to be involved, I want to be on the using side, not the used.”

I was genuinely interested in AI.
I saw its potential.
If I wanted to change my life, I had to create something—now.

So I made my decision:

“Let’s build an app with AI.”

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I Spent 1,000 Hours Creating an App

I had zero programming knowledge.
I asked ChatGPT questions and wrote code one step at a time.

It didn’t behave as expected.
Even when bugs occurred, I didn’t know the cause.
I couldn’t even tell if the output was correct.

And still—I kept going.
Every day was lonely and exhausting.
But I never thought about quitting.

Because it was a path I chose of my own will, I saw it through.

Before I realized it, 1,000 hours had passed.

When I finished the app, I didn’t feel a grand sense of accomplishment.
Just one quiet feeling:

“That’s one milestone.”

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Then I Spent 800 More Hours Building the Website

Next, I began building the website to support the app’s world.
Again, side by side with AI.
I was devastated to find out here that the code for the Android app and the code for the web version are different.

There were many times I felt like breaking.
But I spent another 800 hours pushing through.

And eventually, I realized:

“This site contains all the pain of my past self.”
The confusion, the panic, the failures—
and the small sparks that helped me get back up again.

That’s why this might actually become a place that saves someone.

Those 1,800 hours—
You can’t convert them into money or skills.

But I believe they held enough density to change a life.

Please take a look at my website → The Dreamy Egg – 1,800 Hour Homepage

Chapter 7: The One I Want to Save With This Website Is “My Past Self”

I didn’t create this website just to earn money.
(Of course, monetization is important for making a living.)

But at its core, this site exists to save the person I used to be.

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It’s Not Just One Person—It’s Every Version of Me Over the Years

My life has been a series of “not knowing.”

• When I dropped out of high school
• When I studied for four years but still only got into a bottom-tier university
• When I applied to jobs half-heartedly
• When I quit right after graduating college
• When I stood in the classroom, comparing my students’ dreams to my own emptiness
• When I quit teaching and spent six months wandering aimlessly

Each of these moments was a time when “I didn’t know who I was.”
That’s why I want to show this website to every version of myself from those years.

It probably won’t reach them in just one try.
That’s why I want it to be a space where I can gently say, over and over:

“You’re okay just as you are. But try listening closely to your true voice.”

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The More You Understand Yourself, the Clearer Life Becomes

There was a time when everything I did felt empty,
when I had no confidence, and I was just drifting through life.

But now, I know just how powerful self-understanding can be.

• What kind of moments trigger your emotions?
• What kind of environment helps you thrive?
• Who drains you? Who energizes you?
• What frustrates you? What excites you?

The more you grasp this “inner blueprint,”
the clearer your life map becomes.

You can see the direction you should go.
Even if you get lost, you won’t stand still.
You won’t be swayed by others’ opinions or societal expectations.
You’ll walk with your own compass.

Most importantly—

You’ll learn to love your own life.

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To the Former Me Who Kept Blaming Himself

If I could say one thing:

“Understand yourself more.”

Just that will completely change the world you see.

Once you know your inner workings,
your efforts naturally start moving toward your true goals.

The anxiety and confusion you feel now
don’t come from being incompetent—
they come from running while everything’s still blurry.

So it’s okay to stop. It’s okay to pause.

But during that time,
I want you to do just one thing:

“Create your own instruction manual.”

That’s the purpose of this website.
And my small way of repaying my past self.

Chapter 8: To You — That Frustration You Feel Isn’t Your Fault

If you’re feeling stuck right now—

“I can’t see my future.”
“I want to start something, but I don’t know what.”
“I’m trying hard, but nothing’s working.”
“I envy others and feel ashamed of myself.”
“I’ve already started to give up…”

If you’re carrying these kinds of feelings, there’s something I want you to know:

It’s not your fault.

The world is simply overflowing with too many so-called “correct answers.”

“Go to college.”
“Get a job.”
“Earn qualifications.”
“English is essential.”

Society is designed to make you feel anxious unless you’re doing something.
There’s barely any room to pause and ask:

“What is it that I truly want to do?”

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You Are the Main Character of Your Own Life

As we grow older, it can feel like our “options” shrink.
But the truth is, it’s the opposite.

The more you understand yourself, the more your options expand.

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Start by Writing Your Own “User Manual”

This website offers tools to help you get to know yourself:

• Journals
• Questions
• Choices
• Avatars
• Personality tests
• A virtual world

There’s nothing difficult.
All you have to do is simply “observe yourself.”

When did you feel happy?
What makes you forget time?
Whose words irritated you?
Why did that bother you?

As you gather the answers to questions like these,
your once aimless life starts turning into a path you walk by choice.

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Lastly

I’ve been lost for most of my life.
I dropped out of high school,
failed in college,
lost confidence over and over,
and watched my efforts go unrewarded many times.

But one thing never betrayed me—

Trying to understand myself.

So if you’re about to start something—
Before you ask someone,
Before you google anything—

Listen to your own voice first.

If this place can help you do that,
nothing would make me happier.

And someday, I hope that you too can become a “guiding light” for someone else.

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And To My Wife—

There’s something I absolutely have to write before I finish.

When I decided to quit teaching,
when I chose a path with no income or guarantees,
there was someone who accepted it all without a single complaint:

My wife.

Even when our lives became unstable, she believed in me.
Even during that half-year of wandering, with no clear path or income, she never blamed me.
I know she must have been anxious—
and still, she kept supporting me from behind.

That’s why—
I want to build a life I can be proud of, one that I live together with you.

And one day, I want to fulfill the promise we made:

“Let’s go see the world together.”

Thank you.
And I hope we’ll continue walking side by side.